Sometimes I hate everyone.

After yet another conversation with my sister and her douche of a boyfriend, I find myself bored, frustrated and incredibly irritated. Yesterday, they decided it would be best if she moved out to give them both space (ie. he freaked out again and she is really confused). Being the amazing sister that I am, I left work, navigated myself through the labyrinth of construction to pick her up, took her out to lunch, and listened to her for 2 hours about their relationship.

Hearing about their relationship creeps me out. I don’t know why, but it does, so the fact that I listened to her talk about it for TWO effing hours is pretty impressive. Eventually, she asked me what I would have done. I hate this question. She wants me to say that I would have done exactly what she did. She wants me to reaffirm that giving him space was the right thing to do. I CAN NOT SAY IT. I tried. I really did. I think I eventually said something along the lines of ‘well, I’m not emotionally involved, so I can’t really answer that’. However, there is no question in my mind that even if I was in love with this guy, I would have dumped him. NO QUESTION.

Then she asks me what kind of guy I am looking for. She has never asked me this before, so I am caught a little off guard (but mostly I am thankful to be talking about something other than her boyfriend). I listed off a few qualities and shrugged. I am pretty sure that this guy doesn’t exist, but I am young and still naïve enough to believe that he does, so I have no problem describing him to her. Then, she says ‘Well, you know who you are describing???? My boyfriend’. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I almost fell out of my chair. I tried to make myself say ‘oh, ha ha, okay’ but all I managed to do was suppress a cough of disbelief and become incredibly interested in my drink. What I wanted to say was:
‘Actually, I think your boyfriend is an inconsiderate, money hungry, uninteresting, boring douche bag with absolutely NONE of the qualities that I look for’.

I wanted to throw up. If he is my 'dream guy' I think I might start buying cats and settle in for a long 40 years of alone time.

#16. Sometimes I don't realize that I am talking unnecessarily loud. It doesn't usually become a problem unless I am talking about someone when they are, in fact, standing relatively close to me.
This reminds me of a little story about a young, red-headed girl (about 16) playing sociables at a party and getting harassed by another girl who kept saying 'Maryanne is cheating!!!!' (I wasn't), so the redhead whispered into the ear of the boy sitting next to her 'Jessica is so annoying!!!!!!!!!!!' Then he whispered back 'I know. And now everyone else does too because you didn't whisper that to me'. At this point the young, seemingly oblivious redhead looked up to see 10 people casting nervous looks between herself and Jessica. Thinking she could play this off, the young redhead laughed and said 'oh I'm just kidding Jessica!!!! hahhahah'. She didn't seem to think so and thus began a 3 year slander campaign against the redhead. Although, it wasn't too successful because most people did think that Jessica was annoying.
Also note that alcohol significantly increases the likelihood of inappropriately loud talking.