Almost every blog I read has a post titled '100 things about me'. I figure, it is about time that I join the 100 club. I have been hesitant up to this point about compiling such a list, because I fear that I will not make it past #25 before adding points like 'I hate kidney beans' or 'I eat fruit cocktail out of the can'.
I want my 100 list to be entertaining, and exciting (which, will be difficult because I am neither entertaining nor exciting....). Nevertheless, I have decided to forge on. At the end of each post I make, I will add another entry to the list. Today, for instance, I will add #1. Here goes:
#1. My first kiss was when I was 8. I believe I was engaged in a game of 'boys chase girls' during recess in the 2nd grade. Basically, the game rules were:
1. Boys chase girls
2. If caught, the 'caught' girl gets kissed by the 'catcher' boy.
Usually, the girl is not a willing participant in this game (hence the chasing), but the thought of being kissed by a boy was repulsive enough for us to run around the schoolyard for the entire duration of recess.
One day, I was caught by a boy named Jeremy. As the other boys crowded around us, I remember him kissing me, and in a fit of helplessness, I head-butted him. Literally. I remember blood flooding from his nose and covering my new Micky and Minnie Mouse sweatshirt (which I obviously never wore again) and my pink stirr-up corduroy pants (which I loved). For the next year, I was known as the girl who beat up Jeremy. He never tried to kiss me again.
And that is the story of my first kiss.
It is cute right?
No?
So I head butted the guy. Big deal.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Why make-up sucks.
Do you know those women who walk around with what looks like 5 days of eye make-up smugged all over their eyes? Like all of their eyeliner and mascara has rubbed all over their eye-area and rather than actually removing it, they simply put on more concealer and eye make-up? Well, let me tell you, I don't think it is intentional.
I originally thought that these women just couldn't be bothered with removing eye make-up every night, as if they were just too busy to spend 3 whole minutes washing their face.
As it would seem, this is not the case.
The culprit of this weird phenomenon? Water-proof mascara.
As the name suggests, it is actually water-proof.
What they don't tell you, however, is that NOTHING can get the stuff off (apart from physically picking it away slowly..... along with a few unfortunate eyelashes). I am told that there is an eye-makeup remover that takes it off, however, it leaves an oily residue wherever applied. Gross.
So these women opt to just wear the same mascara from day to day without removing it, because it is IMPOSSIBLE to get off.
Anyway, to continue with this extremely pointless, yet valid rant; while I was purchasing said product the other day, I remembered my dislike of any waterproof make-up, but like a fool I bought it anyway.
I awoke the next morning feeling confident that my days of walking around the department with black 'footballer-esqe' make-up was over. I arrived at work looking and feeling pretty good... no makeup had been smudged to areas where it doesn't belong and I went about my day feeling pretty happy about it and thinking I had solved my problem.
That night, I must have spent 20 minutes trying to remove my mascara without pulling out ALL of my eyelashes.
To the women using this product.... it is not worth it!
Do you remember that feeling of waking up in the morning, rubbing your eyes and NOT feeling a crusty residue or seeing black flakes on your pillow case? It is a good feeling. I encourage you to experience it again.
And you won't look like you have 2 permanent black eyes year round. Score.
I originally thought that these women just couldn't be bothered with removing eye make-up every night, as if they were just too busy to spend 3 whole minutes washing their face.
As it would seem, this is not the case.
The culprit of this weird phenomenon? Water-proof mascara.
As the name suggests, it is actually water-proof.
What they don't tell you, however, is that NOTHING can get the stuff off (apart from physically picking it away slowly..... along with a few unfortunate eyelashes). I am told that there is an eye-makeup remover that takes it off, however, it leaves an oily residue wherever applied. Gross.
So these women opt to just wear the same mascara from day to day without removing it, because it is IMPOSSIBLE to get off.
Anyway, to continue with this extremely pointless, yet valid rant; while I was purchasing said product the other day, I remembered my dislike of any waterproof make-up, but like a fool I bought it anyway.
I awoke the next morning feeling confident that my days of walking around the department with black 'footballer-esqe' make-up was over. I arrived at work looking and feeling pretty good... no makeup had been smudged to areas where it doesn't belong and I went about my day feeling pretty happy about it and thinking I had solved my problem.
That night, I must have spent 20 minutes trying to remove my mascara without pulling out ALL of my eyelashes.
To the women using this product.... it is not worth it!
Do you remember that feeling of waking up in the morning, rubbing your eyes and NOT feeling a crusty residue or seeing black flakes on your pillow case? It is a good feeling. I encourage you to experience it again.
And you won't look like you have 2 permanent black eyes year round. Score.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Operation: Don't have a nervous breakdown.
While my last post hinted a rough day was in store for me, I was not nearly prepared for what occurred. Basically, I think everyone was going out of their way to piss me off. At one point I actually thought that everyone was playing a joke on me. They weren't.
My afternoon consisted of attempting to track people down who seem to be hiding all of the equipment I need, receiving e-mail upon e-mail from boss asking me for more data, interspersed with requests for more analysis to be conducted immediately.
However, I think my breaking point occurred during a snotty discussion with a 'research assistant' (if you can even call him that) which basically consisted of him implying that I was an idiot because I didn't just know the protocol and mandatory form requirements to submit for travel expenses. It is not like this was the first time I had attempted to do so. Oh wait.... yes it was. And it's not like it is his job to deal with the accounts. Oh wait.... yes it is. And it is not like my Boss told me to take my invoice to him, so that he could 'deal with it'. Oh wait....yes he did. So in this regard, I will say to him:
Dear asshole:
I realize that me asking you to actually do your job is somewhat inconvenient; however, I would appreciate it if you did not sigh loudly and roll your eyes at me when I walk into your office. If you continue to do so, I might be inclined to say 'I don't want to talk to you either dickhead, but if you would just answer my question instead of making exaggerated facial expressions, I will leave and only bother you when I am specifically asked to do so'.
I look forward to your retirement.
-maryanne
Sidenote: It is so cold out right now, that when I walk to my building (a mere 7 minutes outside) my mascara freezes and then melts when it comes in contact with my skin. Normally, eyelashes aren't supposed to come in contact with skin; however, my eyelashes seem to be freakishly long. This leads to me walking around with huge black smears all over my eyes. There is nothing more attractive, I assure you.
NOTE: I bought waterproof mascara yesterday (even though I hate it). Hopefully this crisis is now averted.
My afternoon consisted of attempting to track people down who seem to be hiding all of the equipment I need, receiving e-mail upon e-mail from boss asking me for more data, interspersed with requests for more analysis to be conducted immediately.
However, I think my breaking point occurred during a snotty discussion with a 'research assistant' (if you can even call him that) which basically consisted of him implying that I was an idiot because I didn't just know the protocol and mandatory form requirements to submit for travel expenses. It is not like this was the first time I had attempted to do so. Oh wait.... yes it was. And it's not like it is his job to deal with the accounts. Oh wait.... yes it is. And it is not like my Boss told me to take my invoice to him, so that he could 'deal with it'. Oh wait....yes he did. So in this regard, I will say to him:
Dear asshole:
I realize that me asking you to actually do your job is somewhat inconvenient; however, I would appreciate it if you did not sigh loudly and roll your eyes at me when I walk into your office. If you continue to do so, I might be inclined to say 'I don't want to talk to you either dickhead, but if you would just answer my question instead of making exaggerated facial expressions, I will leave and only bother you when I am specifically asked to do so'.
I look forward to your retirement.
-maryanne
Sidenote: It is so cold out right now, that when I walk to my building (a mere 7 minutes outside) my mascara freezes and then melts when it comes in contact with my skin. Normally, eyelashes aren't supposed to come in contact with skin; however, my eyelashes seem to be freakishly long. This leads to me walking around with huge black smears all over my eyes. There is nothing more attractive, I assure you.
NOTE: I bought waterproof mascara yesterday (even though I hate it). Hopefully this crisis is now averted.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Silently hyperventilating
I find myself incredibly frustrated today. I don't really know how to explain it, but I can feel the anger rising in me...and getting worse by the minute. I can't even concentrate anymore.
It all started with an innocent little e-mail I sent off to boss on Thursday, asking some pretty basic (but entirely necessary) questions. I received no response until this morning. Not only were the questions left unanswered, but an additional 3 questions arose. After 3 more e-mails asking for clarification and getting back vague answers (at best), I am left here feeling completely helpless and utterly useless. I have created a mass amount of work for myself today and I can't start it until I get my results back. I expect them in the next hour or so, however, I took a quick peak at them in the lab and they seem a little.... well.... inaccurate.
It is possible that I am so completely useless that I can not do even the simplest of lab work?
We will soon find out.
The urge to book a plane ticket out of here is getting harder and harder to ignore.
It all started with an innocent little e-mail I sent off to boss on Thursday, asking some pretty basic (but entirely necessary) questions. I received no response until this morning. Not only were the questions left unanswered, but an additional 3 questions arose. After 3 more e-mails asking for clarification and getting back vague answers (at best), I am left here feeling completely helpless and utterly useless. I have created a mass amount of work for myself today and I can't start it until I get my results back. I expect them in the next hour or so, however, I took a quick peak at them in the lab and they seem a little.... well.... inaccurate.
It is possible that I am so completely useless that I can not do even the simplest of lab work?
We will soon find out.
The urge to book a plane ticket out of here is getting harder and harder to ignore.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Pencil use: 101
Okay, so I am not a huge pencil user. I prefer pens.... I have for a long time. However, upon realizing my complete incompetence in getting my assignment questions right on the first try, I went out to the store on campus and picked up a mechanical pencil. Thinking that I was going to save hundreds of trees and be Greenpeace girl of the year for cutting down on my daily paper requirements, I began working with my brand new $3 pencil.
I now have eraser shavings all over my desk...... and myself.
My mouse is not working properly because the laser is picking up tiny rubber shavings, my (black) shirt is covered in these grayish sticky things and no matter how many times I try to wipe them off my desk, they seem to re-appear and multiply.
I am also pretty sure that the strange looks that I am getting from my OM's are because there are eraser shavings in my hair and/or on my face.
I can not believe that I can not use a pencil properly.
My God.
I now have eraser shavings all over my desk...... and myself.
My mouse is not working properly because the laser is picking up tiny rubber shavings, my (black) shirt is covered in these grayish sticky things and no matter how many times I try to wipe them off my desk, they seem to re-appear and multiply.
I am also pretty sure that the strange looks that I am getting from my OM's are because there are eraser shavings in my hair and/or on my face.
I can not believe that I can not use a pencil properly.
My God.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Office Jargon
I know that most people have a weird relationship with their boss; usually consisting of a unique combination of fear, idolization and pity. However, I am somewhat puzzled with the relationship I have with my boss. I almost always correspond with him over e-mail and honestly, I prefer it this way. (Actually, I prefer e-mail over phone or in person conversations with anyone who has authority over me, or really, anyone who is smarter than me. )
Anyway, while he has no problem critiquing my work over e-mail, he can't seem to say anything bad about my work when he is actually looking at me.
Case in point:
Last week, I approached him (in person) to inquire about the urgency of a project that I am working on (which has more relevance to his work, than mine....-read: has no relevance to my work at all). Anyway, he said, and I quote 'Oh, no rush. Whenever you can get to it is fine.'
Less than 6 days later, I get an urgent e-mail from him asking the following questions:
- What is the time line on the project we discussed last week?
- What analysis have you already done, and what analysis is left?
- Have you set up a time with the lab to get them run? What is the turnaround time?
- When can I expect the analysis to be complete?
WHAT THE HELL?
Maybe I am just not understanding what he is saying, and 'No Rush' really means 'Next week'. If this is the case, then I can only assume that 'right away' means 'whenever you have time' or 'immediately' means 'go for coffee'.
Anyway, while he has no problem critiquing my work over e-mail, he can't seem to say anything bad about my work when he is actually looking at me.
Case in point:
Last week, I approached him (in person) to inquire about the urgency of a project that I am working on (which has more relevance to his work, than mine....-read: has no relevance to my work at all). Anyway, he said, and I quote 'Oh, no rush. Whenever you can get to it is fine.'
Less than 6 days later, I get an urgent e-mail from him asking the following questions:
- What is the time line on the project we discussed last week?
- What analysis have you already done, and what analysis is left?
- Have you set up a time with the lab to get them run? What is the turnaround time?
- When can I expect the analysis to be complete?
WHAT THE HELL?
Maybe I am just not understanding what he is saying, and 'No Rush' really means 'Next week'. If this is the case, then I can only assume that 'right away' means 'whenever you have time' or 'immediately' means 'go for coffee'.
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