Me vs. Winter

I am fed up with the weather.
I can deal with the cold, I can deal with the wind, I can even deal with snowy wind. What I can not deal with is the warming up, then freezing, then warming up, then freezing... Seriously.

I almost fell about 8 times walking to the school today. The pathways are covered in a snowy/icy hybrid covered with a thin layer of water.
First of all, it is ridiculous how slow you have to walk and how short your steps need to be (you end up looking like a 98 year old woman trying to make it across the street); and second of all, no matter how careful you are, you are guaranteed to either fall on your ass, or almost fall multiple times. I call the almost fall a 'pseudo-fall'.

So anyway, I think the pseudo-fall is MUCH worse than actually falling, and here is why:
1. When you ACTUALLY fall, whether it be on your ass or awkardly putting all your weight on your wrist or a knee on the way down.... you don't really know what is happening until you hit the ground...and by then you are so embarassed that you just brush yourself off and hussle away. Done and Done.
2. When you pseudo-fall, a surge of panic rushes through your body that is honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. What makes it worse, is that unlike the actual fall, you are left with this paniced feeling for the remainder of your walk.
3. The pseudo-fall makes you look like more of a jackass than the actual fall. This is because, in the midst of your slippage, you make a 'holy-shit' face and flail about trying to catch yourself before you hit the ground. It is a lose-lose situation. You either catch yourself and look so ridiculous that you wish you had fallen (to get the 'are you okay?!' from random strangers), or you ACTUALLY fall and really hurt yourself.
I know, I know, I am contradicting myself, but just stay with me for a second. See, when you are meant to fall, and by this, I mean that there is absolutely no hope in catching yourself, you don't even know you are falling until you hit the ground. When you pseudo-fall (slip but not fall), you are not supposed to fall, but just go with it and keep on walking. Anyway, most people over correct for the slippage and make the fall really bad. It is a lot like hitting the ditch while driving. If you find yourself closing in on the ditch, if you just drive into it, then you just drive back out and all is good. However, if you over-correct, then you will flip your car INTO the ditch causing imminent death or dismemberment.
Trying to recover from a pseudo-fall is a lot like this. By trying to catch yourself during a pseudo-fall, you actually make it worse. You end up falling in a much more awkward position than if you had been meant to fall. I have never once been seriously injured by a fall that was meant to happen...and I have fallen a lot (possibly more on this later). I have however, been really injured by trying to correct my pseudo-falls.
4. It is very common to jar your neck or back while trying to correct a pseudo-fall. This pain does not go away in a few days (like the pain would from a REAL fall.... it stays around for a few weeks, as if to protest any physical movement).
5. 99% of the time, you make a sound when you try to catch yourself. It is different for everyone, but it is never a nice sound. Usually it is a grunt, gasp, or scream.
I tend to favor the prophanities. This morning for instance. As I was trying to walk across the snow/ice covered path to class, with coffee in hand, I experience a pseudo-fall. I literally stepped down on my right foot and slipped forward a good 2 feet before recovering. In that 2 second interval, I managed to spill my coffee all over myself, make the most unflattering face of 'FUCK ME' and let out a string of prophanities and may have let out a grunt while trying to muster the strength to pull my left leg around in time to catch myself. To make matters worse, I was walking with a gorgeous classmate of mine (who is also brilliant)...who could not stop laughing (after asking if I was okay). I realize that I am not the most graceful girl, but seriously, I have enough trouble staying on my feet without the ice and/or snow fucking with me as well.